Dear TCKs: Stability Doesn’t Have To Mean Stuck

I know what you’re scared of TCK, you’re scared of ending up stuck somewhere, with no escape. It’s your worst nightmare really isn’t it? This pandemic is pressing TCK buttons all over the world!

In our exciting world, with loads to explore, ending up trapped in one place, by a job or a relationship is your idea of hell.

And yet…

You crave stability, don’t you? You wish you didn’t have this deeply unsettled feeling. This TCK affliction of perpetually itchy feet.

What if stability didn’t have to mean stuck?

Home

Home doesn’t have to be a place it can be a feeling. It can be a sense of true belonging that sits within you, so that you can carry it with you wheresoever you roam.

Home doesn’t have to have the regular conventions that monocultural people create. It can have your own conventions, ones that fit you and no one else.

Home can be your people. Not necessarily your family — but sometimes might be — but your friends, your international buddies, or perhaps those who share a passion or a hobby. Basically, people who like, accept and love you for who you are in all your TCK glory and the ones that you love too.

Everyone has different needs and the thing about being a TCK is that because by our very nature we’re disparate, it doesn’t mean that our needs are any less valid, or worthy. They’re just different.

Career

It’s a well-known fact that we TCKs fear being stuck in one job forever. In general, we seem to be very good at choosing careers that allow if not for travel, then for international contact of one form or another.

Careers that attract TCKs include finance, hospitality, teaching, journalism — I could go on. Choosing a career path that allows you to be flexible and reliable as an employee is possible, I know because I’ve had one and I’ve helped others to map one out for themselves.

Sometimes, a move forwards involves a step back, or to the side to allow you to segue into a new career. Sometimes it involves simply being able to take an objective view. Whatever it is, it is possible to have not just a good career, but a great one, without getting stuck or bogged down somewhere.

Relationships

People — the friends, the fun ones, the romantic ones, the more serious ones, the serious one…

It has been my experience as a TCK coach that TCKs want to reconsider what stability means when they find a romantic relationship that is important to them. Suddenly, the thought of losing their independence and their ability to hop on a plane on a whim becomes intertwined with the possibility of losing an important relationship if they do. This creates tension within the individual and comes to a head when they realise that this relationship may well be the one.

Many of my clients have come to me because they don’t want their TCK urges to ruin a beautiful relationship. They recognise the restlessness and rootlessness that comes with being a TCK and they crave an ability to stick at something.

It is possible to have a wonderful romantic relationship that isn’t blighted by TCK whims.

What Makes You Happy?

Think about it — I mean really think about it; what do you need in your life to feel happy?

Is it geography? Or particular landscapes?

Is it a particular place or places?

Is it a person, or people?

Is it being near your family (or conversely on the other side of the world from them)?

Taking stock of what makes you happy and then taking action on that list, means that eventually, you can carry your home and your stability within you. You can let go of places and the need to constantly move. You can be stable and secure within yourself and you too can be happy.

I know, I’ve done the work and I’m very happy with my life now.